How do I talk to a psychic?
It is considered very good form in our enlightened times to speak with aristocratic contempt of such primitive, such crude and ineffective medicine. And in fact: people were dying and dying; incurable diseases only increased; medicines were tasteless and remained so… Melancholy and hopelessness, in a word — prose. But the arguments about the omnipotence of alternative medicine (read witchcraft and magic) have become poetic, intellectual, and generally relevant: about astral matter, cosmic energies, subtle bodies, otherworldly worlds, and other nonsense, the miracle of which no one doubts. Publicly expressed doubt, and especially the denial of all this brechology, is perceived by intelligent society as a terrible moveton: well, it seems like a hamchishche mired in ignorance in front of the ladies loudly farted. In short, the demand for miracles in society is great and therefore quite naturally generates a supply. Like toadstools in a rotten autumn, manufacturers of miracles climbed: academicians of unknown academies, hereditary healers-children of engineers and accountants, and all as one, with a bio-field and with an aura. The owner of the private clinic where I worked, far from medicine, but a very successful business woman who owned two more dental offices and a store of all sorts of things “for health”, very much wanted to decorate her staff with a psychic. As already mentioned above, this good is everywhere in bulk, but go know who is Hu? She wanted a real psychic, with a strong bio-field and a powerful aura, and not some little geek with a diploma drawn on a home printer. In the procedure of employment of bonehead I was assigned the role of an expert examiner. Ms. Mizrahi has entrusted to me for several reasons. First, she was impressed by my Korean diploma, which was covered in flowers and peacocks, and she checked its authenticity very simply: she called Seoul and immediately received a very flattering description from Professor Park Jae — Woo. Secondly, I was able to relieve her of vertebrogenic headaches, which for some reason were persistently called “migraines” and were treated with appropriate success. And third, she really liked the posters and tables with all the pentagrams, hexagrams, and Asian faces that I hung around my office, and the mysterious smoke of Moxa that always hung there: witchcraft incense, no other way… One way or another, but all applicants for the post of psychic first came to me. There were some very interesting specimens among them, which I hope to tell you about in a separate story, but all of them were either banal charlatans, or duped at various courses by simpletons, or people, to put it mildly, not quite adequate. All of them, of course, received a turn from the gate. And everything would have been fine, but the constancy with which the hereditary sorcerers and juna’s favorite students flew out of the door (the poor people did not suspect that I was also her student, only unloved), this persistence in rejecting supernatural gifts, began to irritate the hostess. One day she told me without further ADO what she, geveret Ronit Mizrahi, thought of all this. After waiting for the end of the lava-like speech, I very respectfully reminded my employer that from the very beginning I had notified her of my attitude to all this supernatural nonsense, and her suspicions that I was getting rid of possible competitors and putting my own selfish interests above the interests of her clinic were absolutely groundless. These gentlemen are not my competitors, because I am engaged in medicine, and they “fuck knows what”. They are an other dimension to me, as Professor Park used to say in such cases. I may have misused the words “Hara” and “mehurbanim” because of my lack of Hebrew, but the hostess lowered her tone and agreed to honor another interview with her presence. For a while, the flow of psychics dried up… in the heat of the day, I managed to catch something flu-like, but I did not manage to lie in bed for a long time: I did not really lie down, I returned to work in a very simple state. And then there was another unique. He appeared not alone, but accompanied by the hostess herself. She did not forget our agreement and came to stand up for her protégé. The very imposing man, with his easy-going impressiveness, confidently condescending manner of presenting his person, immediately reminded me of the piece from “Faust” that was translated once for the sake of scoring “automatic” in English. You are slender and in all its glory, your eyes are scattered, kind of arrogant. Everyone who is most arrogant can’t help believing that. When Mephistopheles lectured the Student, he clearly meant the healer sitting in front of me. From a solid leather folder were extracted diplomas of international (and how else!) Academies’. Some were almost as beautiful as mine. Special terminology was used: a single energy-information field, energy matrices, telluric radiation, and so on. God, how beautifully he spoke! I’m crazy. And the employer just got excited, forgetting to pretend that she did not understand Russian. Being well-versed in the quack environment, I would throw in the right lines, and my counterpart would sing a Nightingale, gradually entering the most delicate pianissimo. The hostess was in a trance: her cheeks were pink, and her magnificent bosom heaved with a deep breath. In her mind, she already owned this treasure from the Russian aliyah that had fallen on her, and the profits that were to come were hot in her blood. Damn it! This type is very good at inspiring. Never mind, son of a bitch, I’m going to give you a Sixth Symphony, a crescendo! — This gentleman is well educated, ” I say in Hebrew to my hostess. — Would you mind testing his practical skills?” Of course, Ms. Mizrahi (daughter of a dentist from Chernivtsi) does not mind. She wants to see firsthand the extraordinary talent of the master healer and his healing skills. — So, colleague, everything you have told is just wonderful. But dear Mrs. Mizrahi needs a practical worker, and You have told us about your unique abilities to diagnose. Are you ready to have a diagnostic session right now? As I said this, I sniffed rather indecently — a damned cold, and I felt sorry for my uncle, he tried so hard. — That’s right me and prediagnostic. Keep in mind, I am a doctor, I know my body perfectly well and all my sores too. I will help you a little: I have undergone several surgical operations (I cough heavily), so you can tell me how many and which ones. At least on any of the bodies. Not without pleasure, I watched the rapid shallowness of the flow of enthusiasm exuded by the psychic, and put my body at his disposal. The usual pantomime began with the contemplation of the aura, with a gaze in the eyes (but those horseradish! They are small, they sit deep and the eyelids are half-closed… you can’t read a Fig on the irises. I have been there, to tell the truth, and read nothing special…) and the study of the palms. (The palmist fucking. That I’m not “down” is clear enough. At least for decency, I looked at my nails. No!) Passes begin. The psychic waves his hands over my head, runs them along my body, muttering nonsense, and finally stops. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand with a nasty, demonstrative squelch. The hostess frowns in disgust, the psychic is unperturbed. — So, a colleague (Tambov wolf to you the colleague!) if you are finished, we will be happy to hear your conclusion. I really feel lousy. What do you say to that? “Well, what can I say?” The energetic breakdown and leakage of energy in the region of the pancreas… the Kidney is weak, all very intoxicated. Problems with the prostate gland. The solar chakra is dim, someone made you a block in the solar plexus… after blowing my Nose in a napkin-my God, I have already exhausted the entire box in the morning (chronic rhinitis is my execution) – and taking a breath, I exclaim: – What a pancreas! I can eat a horseshoe and eat a hoof, and nothing will happen to me! And I ask you not to offend my prostate! I can break a toilet with a jet, you can’t get enough of them. Look up, head up. The healer, with the same grimaces, moves his tentacles around my head, muttering some spells again. He looked a little less arrogant. “Well, what do you say, colleague?” What pathology was found in the head area? I really feel bad, and a specialist like You should be able to see such an acute pathology through the wall. In fact, according to my French prononce, a guy on the street who sells cute carvings made of local stone right under our window could make an accurate diagnosis. — You have a sharply disturbed aura in the area of the cerebellum, an energy pit has formed there, and blood circulation in the brain is disrupted. “Yes, and how is it broken?” I have a headache, it’s true, but from the front. Look at the front. I look back at my hostess. Her eyes are dancing with devils. Not only beautiful, but also smart woman, she has long understood everything, but struggles to keep an impassive and serious expression. She wants to watch the sketch that is being played out in front of her. – In the frontal lobes, there is an energy imbalance and a cold area that indicates a tumor process. (Scare decided to, found whom.)- This is terrible, but what about the Airways? I told you about the surgery… how’s the nasopharynx? — A clear confrontation between the main forces of the main primary elements in the Meridian of the lung and the stagnation of energy in the chakra… Keeping a stone-impassive expression on her face, the hostess quickly leaves the office and tightly closes the door. You can hear a sound like dry Laundry being sprayed out of your mouth. There is no point in breaking up a Comedy any more, and it would be better to lie down now, instead of breeding anti-monies with this charlatan. — Yes not in chakra, and in nose I have stagnation! And not energy, but snot! I have a cold for the third day. Okay, you’re as psychic as I am-your grandmother, but do you have eyes? My nose is red, even if you light a cigarette on it, it flows in three streams… you can see it! Well, tell me what you see, and don’t make your Pro moor chakra makry! Walrus tooth! (In Arabic, a tooth is exactly the famous organ.) We must give him credit.